Degree Absolute

4. What's my end game?

I have a problem understanding the word "endgame". It's just one of those words I have trouble keeping in my head. It is recognized as a chess term, and a Beckett play. One definition says it is "the final stage of an extended process or course of events." In chess, it is "the final stage of a chess game after most of the pieces have been removed from the board."

It sounds algebraic to me, and that means everybody panic, here comes math.So, thinking about this, for me, was more complicated than the previous three.

When I'm stuck in a situation and it has hooked me, irritating, enraging, it helps to ask this question.

Similar to: would I rather be right or happy?

Will arguing for my point until I'm blue help me or hurt me?

If I fume about my absolute rightness for hours, or even days, will it change anything? And will I get a prize for the longest rant? Or will I just make me and everyone in my vicinity miserable?

My agitation will just confuse me and irritate others. Until we are all in a stew of our own juices, marinating in displeasure.

If someone asked if that is truly how you want to spend your day, would you say yes?

Is your endgame sitting there alone, muttering about how right you are to the gathering shadows?

When I think of the term "endgame" I think of the great TV show from Britain, "The Prisoner". If you haven't seen it, the original from the 60s, starring Patrick McGoohan, it's worth it to seek out.Not only is it one of the true pleasures in life to see McGoohan on screen in anything, it's just a terrific show. Bizarre and engrossing.

The final episodes are so unbalancing and thought-provoking, and they are what bring "endgame" to mind.

For 15 episodes, Number 6 has been insisting to everyone who'll listen, he is not a number, he is a free man! In the final installments, he finds out what freedom is.

So, what is your endgame?

Are you a number? Are you happy?

Do you know what your happiness looks like?

Do you know how to be a "free man"?

Can you let go of the outcome and step back to see what's keeping you a prisoner?